Gwen Tuinman

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introspection

The Centre Cannot Hold

Years ago, one of my daughters gave me a beautiful book, Simple Abundance by Sarah Ban Breathnach. I wasn’t feeling well at the time and the daily readings lifted me. Today I flipped to a passage that reflected on feelings of being “spaced out” and “out of kilter”. Breathnach attributed this being uncentred within. “The centre is not holding,” is how she put it.

Talk of centres not holding made me think of Joan Didion (1934-2005). In recent months, I watched a documentary, by her nephew, called The Centre Will Not Hold. I sensed gravity in the words, interpreted centre to mean inner strength. The frailty of her physical body, in later years, brought to mind the final tenacious leaf that clings to its branch in spite of November winds. The film walks the viewer through Didion’s remarkable career as journalist and author, and the personal tragedies of having survived both her husband and daughter. Winter cruelly buffeted Didion, but for her to have carried on and written books like The Year of Magical Thinking, I can’t help thinking her centre did hold.

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Underlined, Circled and Quoted

In my book collection, there are so many pages with phrases underlined in pen and keywords contained inside pencilled rectangles or scallop-edged clouds. When ideas resonate, I draw hearts in the margin to later remind myself how intense the connection felt upon first reading. A single heart, two hearts, three hearts. Sometimes I colour them in to make my point.

In large part, my reading is tied to research and personal evolution. Next to certain paragraphs I’ll write notes to myself. This is huge! Or maybe I’ll jot an action to take in light of what I’ve read. A few years ago, I installed a cork board that spans most of one wall in my office. There hangs an envelope marked Quotes/Inspiration. Only the phrases that really hit home are recorded on index cards and stashed there.

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The Truest Sentence

There is nothing more daunting—yet beckoning—than a blank page. I wrote this line while journaling in the voice of my new protagonist. Funny how, without intending to, our characters become a writer’s confessor.

Each time I sit down to begin a new chapter or essay, gremlins begin whispering. You’ve lived only one life. How much can you have left to say? I wonder if I’ve milked every original thought in my head. The last piece is surely the best I’ve written. How will I rise to the occasion again? Then I remind myself, that I am a writer and creativity is a sustainable resource. The more I drink from the cup, the faster my creativity replenishes itself. This has proven true again and again. New ideas crystalize, words flow, and a new piece is completed. But the next time I start anew, I’ll look back on that work with fondness, then gaze worriedly at the blank page. What now?

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Goal: Informed Feminism

I recently came across the term pop-feminism. It refers to the enthusiastic hearting and sharing of feminist slogans on social media posters–but without investing oneself in learning about the highlighted issue. I may or may not have been guilty of that time to time. (Cough!) A certain level of self-awareness urges many of us to look beyond our own bubble and grasp what’s going on in the Continue reading “Goal: Informed Feminism” →

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Learning to be Lost

So many of us feel lost and rudderless. Blind faith with which we’ve lived the routine of our lives now waivers. The uncertainty of not knowing where to set our foot next leaves us trembling. This is a year of getting comfortable with being uncomfortable.

We live inside and outside ourselves. There are so many ways to get lost in either region. Our emotional or intuitive compass loses its due north. Words like must and should erode dreams, the Continue reading “Learning to be Lost” →

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Character Therapy

Poet William Stafford wrote, “So the world happens twice—once as we see it as is; second, it legends itself deep, the way it is.” So, the writer first experiences the event, then processes details, and retells the story, teasing out the subtleties to make a point. She holds up the magnifying glass. See, this is how we are! We’ve all been hurt this way.

To have lived an experience is not enough. Writers are led by an urge to re-examine, find meaning, dig deeper. We are forever looking forward, forecasting, reflecting, being present, watching for those fire flies of an idea.

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When True Feelings Slip Out

Most mornings I spend an hour and a half reading nonfiction texts and reflecting. Recently, I’ve been thinking about racist views shared on social media. Coincidentally, in preparation for shaping the imaginary world in my next novel, I’m reading “The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life” by Erving Goffman. It’s an older publication, but I’m gleaning inspiration here none the less. Continue reading “When True Feelings Slip Out” →

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Necessary Voices

We booklovers read for entertainment, but also to see a whisper of ourselves and to feel heard. Stories show us how other people avert disaster, conquer sorrows or live to the fullest. So, what’s in it for the writer? Continue reading “Necessary Voices” →

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Beginning and Ending

“I like to live always at the beginnings of a life, not at their end.”


This quote by essayist Anaïs Nin (1903-1977) caught my attention recently. While brief, it’s a thoughtful prescription for living that I’ve been mulling over the past few days.

What did Anaïs mean by “at the beginnings of ‘a’ life”? Continue reading “Beginning and Ending” →

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